Faith and how much of it can you handle.

Let me start out by saying... living in the spirit is more than a full time endeavor and everything I thought I new about GOD, JESUS and the HOLY GHOST was whole-fully inadequate. If not willfully inadequate!. Not that its 100% the Church's fault, but The image that Church put in me in the early 80's really didn't help much. after much wandering and bitterness, failed jobs, failed marriages and no family support. I was lost to GOD.

Thinking back on it ... "man was I a fool".

There had been so much lost time, when I think on it my heart saddens and makes me weep. but the good in it is.. God gave me a solid testimony. and it all started with love.

4 hours and 2 and a half years later I find my self here. At the begining that took 33 years to get to.

1964-65

I grew up in a desidedly Mormon camp. We were a military family but my earlyest memories are of my grand mom and great grand mom, molly the family dog and grand moms sugar cookies and captain kangaroo. One afternoon a man that said he was my dad and this was my new mom and proceded to take me away from the last memory of love i can remember. I was 5 years old and scared. I think my dad was on leave then because we went visiten family from new york to indinia to sothen california. Hawaii. what a wonderful place it was with so much to see and do. For some reason that still aludes me I keep geting into trouble, right from the start. The doctors called it hyperactivity, the courts called it incorigible but my dad called it something else. Being the hard headed lad I was becoming did not help any either... it went down hill from there. From hawaii to okinowa to guam from there back to the United States. by then my dad had at least once to my mind had tryed to kill me and I can clearly remember being an outcast.

1973 san pedro california.

My dad blames me for the move back to the states, he has not said this but i new that it was: my allways in trouble, where im not sapose to be, cant learn cant anything. At age 13 i became a ward of the court. well now what, things cant get any worce could they im a teen ager now and Im away from himself and my mom. I imagin GOD was horse from all the shoutin he was needin to do to get thru to me.

To my mind now the "hospital" the courts put me in was a place of the DEVIL. IM not kidding. remembering it and shairing it with my wife makes me shudder with shame, revulsion and reliece, from there juvinial hall was disney land. The group homes did give me a few chalenges like: learning how to fight, fight good and strike first. After awhile going from one group home to another learning some good but mostly bad things about life I became a man at the age of 18. What could go wrong now after all I was a man now.....

I have got to learn to quit saying that.

I failed at My try at the military
I failed at going home and staying clean.
I failed at working and keeping work.

I was good at partying
I was good at being a hood
and not good for much else.

Ya know, I meet a girl at a family attemp at fishing. We were at pardee lake/Resevoir in or around stockton california in the beautiful san jaquin vally. I think it was like 1978 0r 79 summer to fall and her name was Angela collier and boy we were in love and but it was all good and we kept it cool. " I was still kinda scared of girls .. maybe" anyway I met her family and she met mine, it was wonderful to say the least. would you beleve I found a job... I was just bustin bubbles and pushin dirt around... the back room boy at a chineese/american restaurant. But I had coin in my pocket for me and my girl. I was happy ... yup couldent get much worce could it.

There was a car accident, im not to sure how. I was a kid with no licence, I was probally speeding. Iv told people it was a deer in the road or maybe a rabbit, but really it was me and she died becouse of it. I spent a season in jail and learned somemore really good lesons. Drugs, Sex, Lies, Violence. I cant even get it all out yet.

Time gos on and I get married and divorced, married and divorced and all that comes with it. That all that comes with it came later in huge waves.
In retro-spect the honerable judge sayers telling me if he saw me one more time.... "WORKED" Iv been a good boy sence..... sort of.

I moved to Idaho. yup I broke probation, but calif. was cool or maybe releveeeved to get rid of me. Moving to idaho was not my idea or intent it just happened. Thats when Bob Pokorney got hold of me and his famaily loved on me like only a sprit filled family can. Good church, Good People, ... Good food.
I met another man named Ron Barber and he took me in as far as working me and teaching me the bible and the Word. I was havin an issue with the foot washing thing but i got babtized anyway. this was the begining of some good healing for me and life was ... well... pleasant to put a lable on it.At this time in my life I was very (to say the least) "open" to sujestion, so the no TV, no Radio, no Long hair on men, long hair on women, no this no that ... sin ... sin... sin.
I thought i was in seventh heaven, where i was, was something else. I met a new (like myself) born again christian women, her name is joann willard. She was sweet and nice and good and clean and had 2 boys ... who were alot like me at that age. Her mom lived with them .. and she was a busy body and an old school christian. Our lives may have been very cool and refreashing and... well by now you can see the trend I have been used to living.
I met another girl. the sister of a fellow brother at the faith tabernacle church in Idaho and was she hot. she was small she was cute she had red hair was a leo.. and got really mean. So guess what I did. yup I married her had 2 or 3 children... "no-one tells me anything".

Well faith tabernacle:
pastured by Danual Martin. "a blood reletive to william marriam brannon"
the same man who babtized me, the same man who has a glourious voice. Blasted me.... thats what it felt like. he anounced to the fellowship that we were to bow our heads and close our eyes cause a brother needed praying for and we did not want the devil jumping from him to you... so...

that brother was me. I W A S S T U N E D.

I walked away and never looked back. it turns out that the church broke up and split into many different groups. looks like some of the familys were having serious fadelity issues. I go married, had children, got divorced, suffered, turned to drugs ... AGAIN. Failing at everything and now Child support!. I ended up in Washington State floundered around got married AGAIN, Got work and kept it for awhile, but everything seamed cool at least on the surface which was also cool. Why not "thats what tv is about" a calm surface and a ripping under tow, skelotons in the closets and monsters under the bed. Bill collectors and structure in your lives. You made your bed now lie in it.. so for about 18 years I did the adult male thing and Mo and I appeared like the very chill and jelled couple. We worked for the same company got along famously and made lots of bank. for several years we had an adjusted gross income of 93k to 100k. life was grand. yup thats what it was. Then i woke up one day and decided I had, had enough. thats when all the evil that man can do started POPING in to my head, and i soon realized that I was not capable of sheltering mo, protecting mo... loving her never came to mind, in fact if it had not been for the selflessness of another human being... things may have very well gone another way, a path that wonce on .. well i could explane it but here is not the place.

Spring 2006.
give me a day or two and I can continue.