January 16th 2009 prayer and question.

Our Father God we come to you with humble hearts and glad tidings. Praising your name in all we do, giving thanks to your many blessing as we learn to see them in our travels through your assume Majesty. Father we ask that you look over all those that are unfortunate in there means and spirit, giving them blessing in your love and mercy. Guide and protect our family's in the struggles with other country's Lord that they may be well taken care of and return home safe and cherished. Help our ministers Lord to be public servants to all who have the bravery to call upon them in their time of need, or come as a call to assist others. Bless us in all our needs giving us the strength to overcome the adversity in our lives, to the glory of your everlasting truths . Amen.

Lets look at the many thing we have to be Thankful for today and try to list a few here on this blog by clicking on the comments word below this posting.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to learn and share all that God has given me, and the ability to express love and see love in others. the willingness to see or try to see what Jesus See's in others. I am thankful for the Holy Spirit and the Gifts that are abound with Him.

The Love of GOD. (part one)

It makes me Laugh when I think about all the little things going on around me, and realize that to pun a phrase "God is Love". What gets me is the length we as humans will go to not see that God truly loves us or the ways that His love shows its self.

I am in a turning point in my life where reality meets the real and what I assumed was going to be easy is not. The more I Live in the Word of God the Father, Jesus the Son and The Holy Ghost, the more I read and study the Bible and Other related books and articles. The more I realize how many things I have left undone and as a consequence I live in constant thoughtfulness of things I would like to do over or things left broken far too long.

Now when I look in the mirror in the mornings and say I love you, it is at times hard to really mean; or perhaps to really believe. So of course love is used in truth and each day I keep loving myself and those around me as I satellite around in Gods Kingdom, listening to God the Holy Spirit in all that I can. Knowing that He love me when I have been good or not so, the way that I look or feel about my self is nothing compared to what God feel about me.

As I live in the Real God shows me the fruit of my fellowships that are blossoming all around me. Just the other day I was kind of off my normal self and feeling down, a few of my co-workers questioned me on it, “because I have had a smile on my face for a while now". It felt like I had a little love at work like the big love I get at home. What was really cool about this is just a few weeks ago my employer’s location was getting really dark in mood, and folks just hated it there. But now today it’s much better because of the works of God.

When I hear of others in the family and faith telling of good things and wonders. The signs all point to one thing, God. When family asks open honest questions of each other with out fear of retribution or condemnation, to me its God. But most importantly when we see healing and hear of wonders and believe, it’s truly God
Of all the things going on in our lives and news. The signs I see the most that tell me God is love and near it’s listed above: i.e.
LOVE
FAITH
TRUST
HONESTY

Even now one of the greatest signs, wonders and acts of faith is evident when I pray and give thanks, worship and praise. Praying for strengths and humilities, wisdom and protection. I understand the need for spiritual prayer, this way when all the earthly things get in the way with my quite time with God. You know the ones: the pride, the guilt, the anger and funny feelings and conflicts that keep running around while I’m praying. I understand the need for the baptism of the Holy Ghost, as a man I keep getting in the way; but now the spirit takes over and helps sooths and intercedes for me. This is Gods Love, He new I could not do it alone.

Id like to add a piece of conversion that was over heard the day and add:

Older women: "looks like you'll get a new car out of it"
younger women: "I hope so, I have been good. Earning Gods love and all"

Question:
How is it possible to feel like we need to earn Gods Love?

As I grow in the Spirit and I pray each day that I will. I some times get guilty or something and feel the need to go out and do well or be good. So God will smile at me "if that makes sense" I know that Jesus died for us to cover our sins once and for all things.

I think that I walk shortly thru Gods long life and that he already new what I was going to do all along, it make me realize that what Jesus did for us was in fact real and it needed only be done once and that we "can feel" perfect in a imperfect world, with the understanding were not perfect.... “JUST LOVED"

"Ya know:
it’s a wonderful gift "feeling perfect" when your not,
but being loved as if you truly are"

May you all feel perfect in Gods Love!
Amen.

Peace and love
The Wagemakers.
Steele and Dyan.

p.s
its fun thinking I am perfect, while I try to walk on water.... ummm anyone see my soap.

Entry for November 09, 2008

Just some thoughts I had today.

Repentance: as I repent is it necessary to admit: guilt, pain, suffering, hate, the left behind feelings, feelings of betrayal to ourselves: yes I think it is.

How about to the ones I have injured in my past, do i get to forget it all and move on because of grace??? What about my neglects in my past, grace may cover them. But what about the injured person or persons that lived in or through my neglect. Should I tell them how sorry I am and can they ever forgive me? as Christians should we be willing to step into the hurt we may have been involved with? should the injured person or persons admit there part in the repentance cycle?

Perhaps:
I am Christin now and no longer live in condemnation or guilt and someone I have injured in the past or was involved indirectly to hurt comes along and wants to address this with me. Is rehashing the past good or bad? after I have released it and live in grace, is it my duty to repent and/or admit with the harmed one my errors and do what I can to help fix the pain or is it to be forgotten and left alone and not awaken my own thoughts or change the way I think of my self? Should I worry about self, the inner I as it were, or should I open myself up to hurt and denial or worse.

I do know that living in denial is worse than the faithlessness I feel, when I am not doing what my heart leads me to do. If its something that feels wrong in the light, then it probably needs to be dealt with. What I mean is this. If its something your ashamed of admitting to yourself, or a loved one, its being hidden in the dark of your mind. As you expose the hurt, shame or any-other untoward feeling. Gods Light shines on it and exposes it for what it is. By exposing it and changing your mind, releasing it through prayer, repentance and heart felt love true healing can begin. So...

We know that things like stress, hate, love, gilt, etc. etc. etc carry a chemical in the body that builds up as we live in these feelings. Things like stomach ulcers, High Cortisol levels, High Blood Pressure, Back and Neck pains, Breathing Problems, Irritable bowel syndrome, violence in a normally calm person and so on.

Release is a vital function both chemically and spiritually. With out the release of a emotional issue or untoward though, the longer the imbalance builds up and after awhile it can appear to not have a solution... the easy fix... Perhaps this imbalance has a memory imprint that the body it self holds on to... IE: Musculoskeletal Disorders that most if not all of us carry.

Consequently:
I love you. When You truly Love. Not just someone but everyone, to see what Jesus would see in the person and find what to love. You can truly begin to heal and then its not just Healing self its healing everyone... one soul at a time.

Perhaps:
The face to face act of love and compassion, the verbalization of your pain, the acceptance of your guilt. Repentance with the family, Friends and God is in essence or symbolic of a covenant between persons in love, persons in Faith and Persons in Christ Jesus and him who we Crucified and He who God resurrected 3 days later Just cause we could not get it by our selves.

Peace.

Steele.

Love and my cup runs over

Notes at work on 10.13.08

Love:
With out love who can truly heal? Could the patient in the hospital truly receive care from healing hands, with out love? Why is the bond between mother and child so strong…. Love? Devotion?
How can a man or women paying their dept to man keep from causing more harm to himself or others upon release? Love. The love of God, The love of Jesus, the love of Christian people to rise up a man, not leave him in condemnation, bitterness and sorrow. In my own experience, love was something I had but did not think I did and it took most of my life to find this out….

The hard way.

Multiple failed jobs
3 failed marriages
3 children with out there father, and this one causes me considerable grief.
Built up hate, envy, lies and bitterness in my heart had over shadowed everything in my life.
Then the love of a spirit filled women turned on the light and all the darkness went away. Being able to receive love from her, 2 years of devotion and prayer, 2 years of denial and struggle. God and the Holy Ghost finally got thru….

Now I have 2 more favorite words LOVE and FAITH

now as I learn to walk in faith, I am learning how to see what I think Jesus Sees or Loves in anyone, everyone, you and me. I have noticed one thing in all this. My patience level has grown 20 fold and yet I am well and at peace. Actually Im chilling so well these days that its hard to get motivated past my want to studie. but, as I become less fearful and more faithful in my displays of love toward God and Jesus My affection towards my friends, family and nieborhood grows to staggering heights. I get these crazy yearnings to go forth and save the world. " if only I was my daughter Megans age again" she got her prayer language and is so jazzed, I know what she is going through, cause I just got mine a few weeks ago. But mine came on... hinted at it I struggled It hinted at it somemore, I went Wow and Bang Full Blaowwn. Its been really cool walking in the spirit and I have found the challenge to be quite thrilling.

Faith has my cup running over.

Faith: from my notes on 10.8.08

My word for today is faith as it should be in our everyday lifes so today is a good day to start.
YES: faith comes from hearing “Romans 10:17”
YES: its from hearing the word not having heard the word. We must allow for the flexibility or change in Spoken word. Imagine how Paul felt… he was told to what? He was told by God “…go ye in to all the world…” mark16:15. and when he was ready… what? God said no. can you imagine the look on his face or maybe that day he started a new hair dew. So anyway they decided to go to another place and God again said no again. And again Paul listened and later as he lay sleeping, in a dream he had a vision of a man waving to him from Macedonia. He told the others about it, they prayed and the spirit confirmed is and away they went.

Faith is trusting and believing in God our father to keep ht his word, and to give us wisdom, courage and joy in carrying out he’s ever changing needs. To hear with an open and faithful heart. To allow the Holy Spirit to Lead You About. And yet its so much more than that but not really.
YES: when Jesus and the guys were going from one place to another, while Jesus was sleeping in the bottom sheltered area of the boat a storm came in and the boys got fearful. And Jesus call them Faithless when they cried for help to him. Trusting in the Father, Faith to over come the storm. Faith and Fear cannot be one in the same because it’s divided against its self

1 Corinthians 2:4-5

1 Corinthians 2: 4 and my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of mans wisdom, but in the demonstration of the Sprite and of power

1 Corinthians 2: 5 that your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God

When I think back on “my down” time in Christ this statement or verse had no meaning to me and the idea of an active spirit or power was not for me but for those who could afford church or even be one of those who grew up in a Christian family. You know the ones three or four generations of ministers, minister dads, priest brothers. Then in 2008 I got baptized in the Holy Ghost while at a revival in Albany Oregon. That time seams to be a focal point of my “repentance”. Also this is the time I went thru my changes in thinking and growth. I was reading a book “When Heaven Invades Earth” written by SR. Pastor Bill Johnson of Redding Calif. The Statement was made “how much are you willing to live in the spirit”. I had been struggling with my prayer language, the use of it and why or did I need it at all. I was fighting self at this point and losing badly or was it winning? Anyway I decided to quite smoking and started praying on it .. I announced to my wife that I was and come pray with me. I started my prayer and it sounded real good to me said amen … but my wife was not quite done she was praying in the spirit, and after a moment I tried to pull my hands away and she gripped me and prayed louder. I don’t know but some sort of angsigity came over me and I pulled away got mad and was crying. Scared the something out of me it did. I felt emeditat remorse for my actions and started crying, and whispering to myself “I'm not gonna get it, I'm never gonna get it”. I was so sorrowful about it took me a few days to pull Thur. But God decided that he was not going to let me off the hook that easy. I kept praying and decided that I not a coward and I could live in the spirit and faith. So I rededicated my live to God and Jesus thru prayer and told them both I was not going to back away again. And guess what? My prayer language has come about in powerful ways. So I stepped out in Faith. The change in me is beautiful and awful at the same time. I have last weight and truly have no stress in my life, I give no authority to the evil one to allow stress in my life. I feel much happier and see God in most everything I do and am making strives to achieve 100%. The sorrow is in the failures in my life, which has given me a powerful testimony. But no peace in my heart will be fully achievable until my whole family is in love with each of its parts, starting with the self and moving out. Learning to love, love , love.

More to come on this. Sleepy now.

Faith and how much of it can you handle.

Let me start out by saying... living in the spirit is more than a full time endeavor and everything I thought I new about GOD, JESUS and the HOLY GHOST was whole-fully inadequate. If not willfully inadequate!. Not that its 100% the Church's fault, but The image that Church put in me in the early 80's really didn't help much. after much wandering and bitterness, failed jobs, failed marriages and no family support. I was lost to GOD.

Thinking back on it ... "man was I a fool".

There had been so much lost time, when I think on it my heart saddens and makes me weep. but the good in it is.. God gave me a solid testimony. and it all started with love.

4 hours and 2 and a half years later I find my self here. At the begining that took 33 years to get to.

1964-65

I grew up in a desidedly Mormon camp. We were a military family but my earlyest memories are of my grand mom and great grand mom, molly the family dog and grand moms sugar cookies and captain kangaroo. One afternoon a man that said he was my dad and this was my new mom and proceded to take me away from the last memory of love i can remember. I was 5 years old and scared. I think my dad was on leave then because we went visiten family from new york to indinia to sothen california. Hawaii. what a wonderful place it was with so much to see and do. For some reason that still aludes me I keep geting into trouble, right from the start. The doctors called it hyperactivity, the courts called it incorigible but my dad called it something else. Being the hard headed lad I was becoming did not help any either... it went down hill from there. From hawaii to okinowa to guam from there back to the United States. by then my dad had at least once to my mind had tryed to kill me and I can clearly remember being an outcast.

1973 san pedro california.

My dad blames me for the move back to the states, he has not said this but i new that it was: my allways in trouble, where im not sapose to be, cant learn cant anything. At age 13 i became a ward of the court. well now what, things cant get any worce could they im a teen ager now and Im away from himself and my mom. I imagin GOD was horse from all the shoutin he was needin to do to get thru to me.

To my mind now the "hospital" the courts put me in was a place of the DEVIL. IM not kidding. remembering it and shairing it with my wife makes me shudder with shame, revulsion and reliece, from there juvinial hall was disney land. The group homes did give me a few chalenges like: learning how to fight, fight good and strike first. After awhile going from one group home to another learning some good but mostly bad things about life I became a man at the age of 18. What could go wrong now after all I was a man now.....

I have got to learn to quit saying that.

I failed at My try at the military
I failed at going home and staying clean.
I failed at working and keeping work.

I was good at partying
I was good at being a hood
and not good for much else.

Ya know, I meet a girl at a family attemp at fishing. We were at pardee lake/Resevoir in or around stockton california in the beautiful san jaquin vally. I think it was like 1978 0r 79 summer to fall and her name was Angela collier and boy we were in love and but it was all good and we kept it cool. " I was still kinda scared of girls .. maybe" anyway I met her family and she met mine, it was wonderful to say the least. would you beleve I found a job... I was just bustin bubbles and pushin dirt around... the back room boy at a chineese/american restaurant. But I had coin in my pocket for me and my girl. I was happy ... yup couldent get much worce could it.

There was a car accident, im not to sure how. I was a kid with no licence, I was probally speeding. Iv told people it was a deer in the road or maybe a rabbit, but really it was me and she died becouse of it. I spent a season in jail and learned somemore really good lesons. Drugs, Sex, Lies, Violence. I cant even get it all out yet.

Time gos on and I get married and divorced, married and divorced and all that comes with it. That all that comes with it came later in huge waves.
In retro-spect the honerable judge sayers telling me if he saw me one more time.... "WORKED" Iv been a good boy sence..... sort of.

I moved to Idaho. yup I broke probation, but calif. was cool or maybe releveeeved to get rid of me. Moving to idaho was not my idea or intent it just happened. Thats when Bob Pokorney got hold of me and his famaily loved on me like only a sprit filled family can. Good church, Good People, ... Good food.
I met another man named Ron Barber and he took me in as far as working me and teaching me the bible and the Word. I was havin an issue with the foot washing thing but i got babtized anyway. this was the begining of some good healing for me and life was ... well... pleasant to put a lable on it.At this time in my life I was very (to say the least) "open" to sujestion, so the no TV, no Radio, no Long hair on men, long hair on women, no this no that ... sin ... sin... sin.
I thought i was in seventh heaven, where i was, was something else. I met a new (like myself) born again christian women, her name is joann willard. She was sweet and nice and good and clean and had 2 boys ... who were alot like me at that age. Her mom lived with them .. and she was a busy body and an old school christian. Our lives may have been very cool and refreashing and... well by now you can see the trend I have been used to living.
I met another girl. the sister of a fellow brother at the faith tabernacle church in Idaho and was she hot. she was small she was cute she had red hair was a leo.. and got really mean. So guess what I did. yup I married her had 2 or 3 children... "no-one tells me anything".

Well faith tabernacle:
pastured by Danual Martin. "a blood reletive to william marriam brannon"
the same man who babtized me, the same man who has a glourious voice. Blasted me.... thats what it felt like. he anounced to the fellowship that we were to bow our heads and close our eyes cause a brother needed praying for and we did not want the devil jumping from him to you... so...

that brother was me. I W A S S T U N E D.

I walked away and never looked back. it turns out that the church broke up and split into many different groups. looks like some of the familys were having serious fadelity issues. I go married, had children, got divorced, suffered, turned to drugs ... AGAIN. Failing at everything and now Child support!. I ended up in Washington State floundered around got married AGAIN, Got work and kept it for awhile, but everything seamed cool at least on the surface which was also cool. Why not "thats what tv is about" a calm surface and a ripping under tow, skelotons in the closets and monsters under the bed. Bill collectors and structure in your lives. You made your bed now lie in it.. so for about 18 years I did the adult male thing and Mo and I appeared like the very chill and jelled couple. We worked for the same company got along famously and made lots of bank. for several years we had an adjusted gross income of 93k to 100k. life was grand. yup thats what it was. Then i woke up one day and decided I had, had enough. thats when all the evil that man can do started POPING in to my head, and i soon realized that I was not capable of sheltering mo, protecting mo... loving her never came to mind, in fact if it had not been for the selflessness of another human being... things may have very well gone another way, a path that wonce on .. well i could explane it but here is not the place.

Spring 2006.
give me a day or two and I can continue.